I may be bitter

People only care about you for as long as it takes to eat you.

Friends are just people who eat you slowly, taking their time to savour your taste.

When the best parts are devoured, they leave you for the vultures.

It is not how it should be, friendship should be about empathy and sacrifice. About feeding them yourself, instead of taking what you want from them.

I tried so long to live like this, but in the end reality always wins.

People only care about you until all the good meat has been consumed.

If the meat is sour, if the meat is bitter, if the meat is is salty, no-one wants to eat it.

You are all cannibals, feasting on the flesh of others and claiming to be friends.

But are you ever there for them when the feast turns sour, spoiled, rotten.

You’re only there when it suits you, and don’t worry yourselves with bad meat.

I hope death is kinder than you ever were.

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mixed cliche

Rain and cliche opening lines, mixed metaphors and giving up on pretense of wit. Heart strings of a small viola, swelling up in music on soundscapes – peaks and valleys, mountains rising and capped in snow and ice. Coffee at the summit, just a long walk away to angel songs and dust. Heady scent like sex, drugs and violence. Knight fall brings out the moon, crusading for the holy land and breaking the grail upon arrival. No jihad to resist, just the ritual slaughter of an innocent soul. As ridiculous a metaphor as all can see, the eyes of the beholder turn away and find beauty. Drenched in the blood of the infidel, my own, my fall brings out the moon and with clawed fingers I pull my own heart. Strings on the viola, played to my own demise. The rain song played for the moon wells up in a death throe.

disorganised thoughts

I had forgotten how it felt to have your heart torn out and eaten before your eyes.

I should have died years ago.

My expectations were exceeded, I did not know what to expect.

What is love but a coffin?

Sealed tight.

Every nail a rejection, spurned upon the anvil and forged with ire.

All it took was a single hammer to seal shut.

Lock and key.

Like pulling teeth and sowing closed the gums with salt and lime.

Stitching pulling, a hole in my heart to match the teeth.

No air, and pain in the chest – burning sulfur and brimming malice.

A reminder of how sublimation functions,

I had forgotten the sublimeness of despair,

until I met you.

18.5.18

The vibrance of her skin against me,

perfume stains

tangled up in interstellar fabrics.

She is the sun

drenching me in her soft black light

gravity drawing me in.

I lay head against her pillows

and ink on her skin.

Pale white and pockmarked,

toothy grin and elation.

 

Tell me, where do you see this going?

“Far.”

How far?

“The moon, the stars, I want to die with you.”

Die with me?

“In like eighty years, when we’ve had a long happy life together.”

 

In like eighty years, when we’ve had a long happy life together. I’ll lay you down for the last time, and kiss you gently, and hold your hand as you fade away.

“You won’t die with me?”

Someone has to make sure you stay dead, I don’t want to be responsible for the zombie apocalypse.

*snort* “You nerd.”

 

In eighty years,

we won’t know ourselves.

So much can change

in a much shorter time.

 

The vibrance of her skin against me,

perfume stains

tangled up in interstellar fabrics.

Nuclear fires burned up

drenching me in warm red and orange

gravity pulling me apart.

I lay her head against her pillows

and lipstick on her cheek.

Pale white and pockmarked,

serene smile and adoration.

18.5.17.

Falling to pieces, a broken mirror’s stare.

Shattered like an unreal dream.

All I want is companionship, a pretty girl who pays attention to me.

So we can talk about anxiety together and maybe learn to cope.

But where do I begin?

A shadow of a human, my tongue sticks to itself

my mind undercuts my thoughts

Incapable of even knowing how to start.

And no-one even talks to me, how can I learn to be human?

Is it worth even trying, or should my isolation just eat my mind until I no longer think, or act, or feel.

And all I want is the attention of a pretty girl, whose anxious just like me.

To lay on the streets together and count the stars, and in the rain sit and watch the world turn to silver.

socialism

I normally couch my politics through a less obnoxious and direct way, but I’m more than a little annoyed today by a bunch of people and I feel the need to scream into the ether my impotent rage. I’m not even sure how coherent this will end up, but here goes.

The one phrase that annoys me more than anything else is “socialism has never worked anywhere”.

Actually, it flat out infuriates me, because of the absolute brazen ignorance it displays and because it is so popular. Socialism never works… because people actually believe that.

It is so ignorant on so many levels that I almost struggle to argue against it because where do I even begin? So lets start at the most basic level.

Socialism is an economic system where by public money (such as taxes) are used to provide social benefits such as public works and projects (such as roads), and social safety-nets (such as healthcare and welfare).

At the purest level it advocates the idea that there should not be private ownership of the means of production – that is, if you have a factory it should be owned by the workers and not by a corporation.

You can have market and non-market versions, with the market version having an economic market that people can sell their goods and services on, and the non-market version having an economic market where the state controls the goods and services. Non-market systems are most often referred to as planned economies.

It’s different from communism, which advocates for a similar economic system as non-market socialism, but which also advocates for things such as no private ownership (all things are publically owned in the ‘commons’ where it gets its name from) and a move towards democratic anarchism.

There has never been a true communist country.

The red scare propaganda that arose from the Cold War slandered the idea of communism and socialism because it challenged the dominant capitalist model of the Western powers, but the Soviet Union and its puppet states were not communist.

They were not left-wing, they were non-market socialist and their political ideology was more in line with fascism than with the communist utopia that Marx and Engels proposed.

The opposition to socialism is libertarianism. People like to say capitalism is a thing, but it isn’t. It is an old and inaccurate term that does not truly express the reality of things, because everything is capitalism and nothing is capitalism. You do not have an economy without capital because capital is investment – be it currency or labour or any other.

The economic spectrum is divided between Socialism (left) and Libertarianism (right).

Socialism and Libertarinism both advocate that capital should belong to the people that generate it.

The difference is in how they try to achieve it, and how they perceive who generates the capital.

To a Socialist it is the worker who invests their labour into the means of production (the way in which capital is generated) and produces capital.

To a Libertarian it is the manager who organised the workers to provide their labour that produces the capital.

To get the capital to the workers, Socialism regulates and ensures that they get paid fairly – some even push into the removal of the management and giving over the means of production to the workers so they have control.

To get the capital to the manager, Libertarianism deregulates and ensures that they are freely able to exploit the workers so as to maximize profit.

Feudalism functioned off of libertarian economic ideals. The people that worked the lands did not own the land they worked, the land was owned by a man who never had to work it because he organised the labour – and more specifically the labour were functionally speaking slaves. They were property of the owner of the land they worked. It was not an abberation, it is peak economic libertarianism.

If you want to have a discussion about how much socialism we should have, then that is reasonable. Some people chafe under the idea of strict regulations and the redistribution of wealth from a handful of non-workers to the working classes. We can have that discussion.

If you however tell me socialism does not work, you need to re-examine your world view. Maybe you came from a shitty country that collapsed because of economic mismanagement and associate that with “socialism” or maybe you grew up under the thumb of a dictatorship that called itself socialist. Maybe you have a legitimate reason for believing what you believe but you’re still wrong.

You can tell me “oh, you’ve never experienced it so you don’t know what you’re talking about”. Sure, but I’ve also never been stabbed or shot or poisoned and I can safely tell you that those are horrible things to experience. And by your logic, you’ve never experienced “capitalism” while I have.
If you want to claim that I have no legitimacy because I have not experienced something, then you have no legitimacy because you have not experienced something.

I speak against “capitalism” because I am intelligent, not because I am brainwashed – unlike you.

If you want to say “look at all the freedom that ‘capitalist’ countries have, socialist countries do not have that”, you are wrong.

Every day “capitalist” countries murder journalists, they genocide minorities, they suppress dissent, they allow gays to be persecuted or openly persecute them. There is no country in the world that is not “capitalist” to some extent, and most of the countries you may claim are most ‘free’ are more socialist than most countries.

If you claim “but the United States of America”, then I will tell you that it is one of the worst examples you can make – it is beset by civil unrest, rampant in its oppression of minorities and suppression of dissent, it actively allows entire cities to be poisoned and it does nothing to prevent what is essentially a genocide by their police. They do not function as a democracy, their economic system is constantly on the verge of collapse and most of its capital is held by a dozen people. The USA is a modern feudal state, with the veneer of democracy to keep the people ‘appeased’.

Economic libertarianism does not work and it never will work.
Economic socialism does work and it always will work.

Once you accept that, you will be a better person.

For everyone else who only follows me for the poems and fiction and what not, sorry – I’ll have more tomorrow like usual.

18.5.14

Hard of breath, trying to sleep with twisted guts

a long night of working while trying to be close to others

organised like a clique, they shut me out without realising they shut me out

I wished I found comfort amongst their ranks and didn’t try to just fit in

I wished I had more than zero friends because then it might be more easy to manage

I wished I had the confidence to say this before a crowd, and know if they love me or hate me

I will forever be alone, hard of breath and twisted in the gut

I would be perfect, if not for my flaws and one of them is being trite

I lack of wit in my wittiness

I lack of courage in my bravado

So certain that I am correct, I can only win debates before mirrors

So assured that I am good, that I worry about being bad.

18.5.11

And will you cry when I am gone? Will you see my disappearance for what it is, or let it consume you in another way, or better yet ignore the fact I am no longer here?

And will you cry when I am gone? Will it even make you wonder, make you sad, make you happy? Do I care anymore? Do you?

And will you cry when I am gone? Or are you as tired as I am of all this fighting? The stress of hair falling out and mouth always dry. The constant never eating, feeling sick and waking up at three AM to throw up and fall asleep exhausted on the bathroom tiles. The toxic feel creeping across your body, the glow of another vain battle.

And will you cry when I am gone? Or be relieved my paranoia is finally gone? Will you move on? Will you find another? Will I stain you in my radiation and leave you just as sick as I am? How many pieces of myself can be amputated before you waiver and wander and leave me for another? Another woman, another man? Am I the only, am I even special?

And when I’m gone, I want you to remember me. I don’t care when I am gone, when you leave me. Remember me please. Don’t ever regret falling in love with me.